Imagine a world where men did not exist? There would be no love. There would be no military. There would be no children. There would be no future. What would we do without our protectors and providers? What would we do without marriage and family? Well, if changes are not made, that is where the world of dating and traditional relationships are headed.
Men are stepping away from the tradition of marriage at an alarming rate. They are teaching their sons to do the same. The do not see the value any longer. Where does that leave the good women? Alone and searching for a needle in the hay stack. It leaves women to fend for ourselves. It leave our lives loveless and lonely. It is on us, as women, to change this. We need to sit back and listen to our single men. We need to hear their cry for help. We need to change the behaviors that have gotten us to this point.
So, where do we start? The first step to any movement is speaking out and so I am. After meeting a really good man, it made me realize just how rare and how hard they are to find. If you don’t know, here is my dirty little secret, I Tiktok. No, I don’t shake my ass. No, I don’t do my hair and my make up. I talk and discuss and I listen. I share dating stories. I share the thoughts in my chaotic brain. And then, one day, I posted this story about the man I am dating, I nicknamed him Dadbod on Tiktok. And the direction of my Tiktok journey changed.
Wow!!! The ourpouring of support was shocking. But not from women, sure they were there. It was the men. Cheering on the fact that a good guy finally won. 214,900 views, 14,800 likes, 1,400 comments and a ton of new followers and friends . If you want to see these comments, click here. The comments showed support and love and honesty and were very eye opening.
This made me realize how much our good single men were hurting. How much they felt devalued. How they felt wronged by a world that favors women. And so I talked more and I listened more. And as I listened, I realized that these men wanted to be heard. They wanted to speak out but the can’t? Why? Because the second they do, they are called sexist, chauvinistic or mysogynist. Men showed their support in insane numbers and cheered on the good guy winning and so begin my #goodguymovement. I advocate for men because one day my sweet small boy will be one.
Well, if you know me, you know I can’t keep my mouth shut and so I took what I learned over the course of a few months and created a 22 part series on “Why Men Have Given Up.” It was meant with resounding positivity from the men and a lot of hate from the extreme, toxic, modern feminist. That is when I knew I was headed in the right direction. I had tugged at the heart strings of these good men and I hit a nerve with the women that are ruining good men. So, why have the good men given up?
Well, the list is long, but my series says it all. And the comments confirmed my thoughts.
Part 1. Men are being yelled at for using traditional manners and showing common decency.
This video was just the beginning and the amount of hate I received for saying this? Wow, some of these women were angry. I was called toxic, a mysogynist and a women hater. Why? Because I recognized men had issues? I didn’t blame them. I understood and I pointed the finger at a broken system and toxic, modern feministic women. It is just good manners to hold the door for someone. It is also good manners to say “Thank you” when someone does so. I always hold the door for a person approaching, whether that is a man, women, child or alien. Okay, maybe not an alien. That one would scare me, but you get my point.
Where has society gone so wrong? When did it become offensive for a man to do this?
I understand that some people have boundaries and do not want a man to walk behind them, but a simple grab of the door and a polite, “Thank you, I got it,” will do. There is no need to yell at someone because they were simply trying to be polite. The next time a man does not hold the door, thank a toxic, modern feminist. But, you know what? I was called toxic for the video above. Go check out this response to me. And to add to it, the comments supporting this have me saddened and dismayed. What happened to common decency? The world has gone mad.
Part 2: We are being taught masculinity is toxic.
Toxic Masculinity refers to certain cultural norms that are associated with harm to society and men themselves. Traditional stereotypes of men as socially dominant and violent. Misogyny, homophobia and the need for male domination is toxic. The patriarchal society allows this aggression to grow with statements like “Boys will be Boys.” Rough little boys are turned into angry men. And then toxic feminists devalue men and make this aggression grow stronger.
What are be being done taught this? Thank the patriarchy. Thank an extreme modern feminist.
Did we forget about divine masculinity? It encourages people to move and work for things that will benefit them. It loves action. Divine masculinity is all about being assertive with the things that you want in life. It does not tolerate passiveness. A divine masculine will anticipate your needs. He will protect. He will provide. He will support and he will love in a way you never thought possible. He will love with actions and honor. He will love abundantly and whole heartedly. He will be solid and steadfast.
Not all masculinity is toxic. We need masculinity. As women, we crave it.
Part 3: Men are falsely accused of sexual harassment and rape.
Listen to me when I say this, I am not victim shaming or invalidating victims. It happens everyday. I know this. I fear it will happen to me. My heart goes out to the victims.
On average, there are 463,634 victims (age 12 or older) of rape and sexual assault each year in the United States.1
1 out of every 10 rape victims are male.2
Sexual harassment occurs daily in our classrooms, online, in grocery stores and in the work place. It happens. It needs to stop.
On the other side, men are falsely accused of sexual harassment and rape. It destroys lives, marriages, families and careers. Do you know what else it destroys? True victims. False accusations make people suspicious of any accusation. We have to check and double check and verify every thing over and over to make sure the victim’s story is not just another false accusation. In turn, this scrutiny is scary and shaming and a lot of victims are made to feel like they are fighting a losing battle and they drop the charges.
Now, for men, it makes them afraid to approach a women for fear of retribution. I was at work one day. I had a big presentation. I had taken a little extra time to make my hair and makeup look it’s best. I was wearing a much more appealing outfit. Normally, it is comfy clothes, little makeup and a messy bun. A male co-worker gave me a great big smile and said, “Whoa, you look gorgeous. Holy smokes.” He sees me at my worst daily. I was walking with a female co-worker when this happened. As soon as he passed, she said, “You should go talk to HR. That was complete sexual harassment.” What? A guy I work with, that I have known for years and that I trust and respect, gave me a compliment. He is a loving husband, good father and man of God. I didn’t go to HR, but she did on my behalf. I was flabbergasted when I was called into HR’s office to give my statement about the sexual harassment that had happen to me.
So, what was the outcome? I explained to HR that it was a genuine compliment and I did not feel harassed or sexualize and thought the fact that it was reported was ridiculous. My opinion did not hold much weight. He had to take a class on sexual harassment in the work place and have a long discussion with HR. That is now, permanently, in his employee file. She got to go about her work day as if nothing happened. She felt uncomfortable working with him and requested a job change. Shortly after, she receive a promotion with a raise and was moved to another department. His and I’s work relationship was strained moving forward. He never felt he could trust me after this. No more office jokes, no more fun coffee breaks. As for her, I knew she was not a person I wanted to be work friends with any longer. She won. She got the promotion and new co-worker and all over a compliment.
What?!? A man gave me a compliment. He did not proposition me. He did not say anything overtly sexual at all. He did not touch me. He gave me an amazing compliment that gave me confidence going into my big presentation. When did that become wrong? If I would have proceeded with this claim, this man would have lost his job. It would have probably caused issues in his marriage. It could have ruined his career. Over a compliment? This happens more often then we know.
At this point, men are becoming afraid to even approach a women for fear of retaliation. I would be afraid also. It’s not worth the risk. For men, making simple compliment to a women could ruin their life.
Part 4: Family Courts favor the women.
We need to step back and look at our legal system and how family court is making these decisions. Good men loss children all the time. Now, before you get in an uproar, I know there are unfit fathers, as well as mothers, that should not have their children. I know that there is addiction, abuse and mental health issues that put children in danger. I know the courts are there to protect our children but in a lot of cases, they are doing harm by taking children from good fathers.
If there are two fit parents, custody should start at 50/50. Both parents should have equal rights and equal access to the children. Currently, if a women goes for full custody, the burden is on the man to fight the battle and prove his worth as a father. It takes time and money and is emotionally and financially exhausting. Shouldn’t this be the other way around? Shouldn’t he be innocent until proven guilty? Men loss cases daily due to false accusations, her word against his, or the lack of financial resources to continue to fight for his children. Is that fair?
Let’s take a look at unfit mothers, it is nearly impossible for a man to prove this without arrest records or rehab records. And as soon as the women is out, she will be able to regain visitation rather easily. A higher importance is placed on a child having their mother. What about the father? For men, this could take years, if ever. Men, on the other hand, you mention abuse with no proof and you will likely take his children.
Do you know who suffers in all this? The children. Whenever possible, children are better with both parents in their lives. Why is this not the norm? Why are so many children growing up without fathers when they have ones that wants to be there? Take a moment and peruse the comments on that video, it will break your heart?
And I have to ask? If the father is a fit parent, why are so many women going for full custody? Because of their anger? Resentment about the marriage ending? Want that man out of your life? What happened between you and your x, most of the time, has nothing to do with your children. Just because a man was a shitty husband, does not mean he is a shitty father. People need to realize that and put the children’s best interests first.
65% of all marriage end in divorce. 80% of divorces are filed by women. Now, think of the mental toll on a man when he not only losses his marriage but, also, can not see his children. Would you want to marry again or teach your son to marry if those were the statistics? Men are loosing. We need reformation in our family courts.
Part 5: Divorce is financially ruining men.
Unfortunately, sometimes marriages do not work out. 65 % of marriage end in divorce. 80% of those are divorces are filed by women. It is hard. There is resentment. There are broken hearts and tears and anger and sadness. Add financial ruin and it is enough to make a man never want to marry again. So, let me pose a situation.
2 people marry. They both work full time. They both contribute to the family. His career is more successful. He brings in more money. Life gets in the way and their marriage ends up in divorce. What happens now? Well, in a lot of cases, they wind up in a massive legal battle that cost 10 of 1000’s of dollars. And in a lot of cases, the wife walks away with a large percentage of the marital assets and alimony for years to come. How is this fair? The assets were purchase in the marriage, you made financial decision together, you grew your retirement together, shouldn’t it be split? You owned it together, you split it. You do what is fair.
Now for the alimony, why does she get alimony? Because his career was more successful? Why is he responsible for keeping her in the life style they built together if they are no longer married? He should not be. They both had equal chances to earn money. If the marriage is over, so is the lifestyle they created together. End of story.
Even worse, in a no fault state, a women can cheat on her spouse, destroy their marriage and still walk away with over half the marital assets and years of alimony. Have we lost our minds? She was at fault for the marriage ending and an innocent man pays the price emotionally and financially.
Now, are there cases where I believe alimony is acceptable? Absolutely! When a women gives up her career to follow his, she stunts her earning potential for the betterment of the couples long term life and when that life together ends, she deserves alimony to give her a chance to work to get her career back to where it would of been had she not given it up to follow his success. The same goes for a stay at home parent. A women gives up her career to raise children, saves countless amounts on child care and her earning potential is stunted. Alimony will give her the chance to get her career back. There are other case where I see it could be applicable, marriages involving infidelity or domestic violence by the bread winner, call it the penalty for the crime.
Outside of these exceptions, why is it okay for a man to be expected to pay the way for his x-wife? I do not get it and never will. And I understand why men are fuming angry about it. I would not want to risk it a second time either. So where does this leave the divorced women? In a lot of cases, alone. Women, we need to look at what we are doing. We need to be fair. We need reformation in our divorce laws.
Part 6: Men have no say in fatherhood when accidents happen.
This is a loaded topic so I am not going to get into the politics behind abortion. Currently, in most places, it is legal, so it is an option. We could say, if you don’t want kids, don’t have sex. That is not very realistic. We know people will. Okay, use protection, yes!!! But even with protection, mistakes happen. Pregnancies happen. Now, what do you do?
As a women, we have 3 choices. 1. If we want it, we have the baby. 2. If we don’t want it, we could give it up for adoption. 3. If we don’t want it, we could have an abortion.
Men? They do not get a choice.
Option 1. She is having his baby. If he wants a baby, awesome. They can celebrate together. If he does not want to have the baby, too bad. He is strapped with child support for a child that he never intended to have for the next 18 years.
Option 2. She wants to give the kid up for adoption. There is a chance he never even know he was the father. If he does know, and didn’t want a child, all is good. If he does want the child, prior to birth, the mother can sign away full rights to the child and the father can legally adopt the child. The mother can walk away as if this never happened. She will never have to pay child support.
In option 3, she aborts the pregnancy. There is a chance the father never even knew. If he did and did not want the child, all is good. If he wanted the child, he is out of luck. The pregnancy will be aborted and there is nothing he can do about it. It is her body, it is her choice. A women gets to make this choice because pregnancy takes a physical and emotional toll on a women and the decision to go through that should be made by the women whose body it is and no one else. A man should not be allowed to make decisions concerning a women’s body.
So for a man, if he does want the child, he does not get to chose. It is her choice. If he does not want the child, and it is born, he is legally & financially obligated to that child even when he never wanted it.
A women has all the choices, have the baby, walk away after adoption, abort the baby.
This will be unpopular, but since a man has no choice in whether his child is aborted, I believe that upon notification of a pregnancy, a man should be given the option to sign away legal rights if he does not want it, just like a women can with adoption. If he can not force it to be born, and I don’t believe he should be able to, we should not be able to force him to support a child that he never intended to have.
Wow! How are you feeling about all of this? This is just the beginning. I know this is heavy and this is hard to hear but it is stuff we need to discuss. Men are walking away from traditional relationships at alarming rates and will continue to do so if changes are not made. Women are mad because they can’t find good man. Men are giving up because they are being screwed over left and right by a system and a society that is broken. How do we put an end to this madness? How do we make it stop?
I don’t know but I know I have 14 more parts to discuss in some upcoming blogs. I know that I see these good men and I know they are hurting. I know that as good women, we have the power to help rectify the wrong that has be done by the patriarchy and extreme, toxic, modern feminists. I know that the louder I speak, the more hate may come my way but I also know that I have a sweet, 8 year old son, who needs me to yell it from the roof tops. And women need to listen. Women need to hear that his. Only women have the power to change this.
Women need to step up. We need to be loud. We need to support the good men before the good men are no longer here for us. So, I will take the hate and I will remember, in the midst of chaos, sparkle. Don’t let life dull your shine.
The Manicured Mom
1. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, National Crime Victimization Survey, 2019 (2020). Note: This is a 5-year rolling average to adjust for changes in the year-to-year NCVS survey data.
2. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, Female Victims of Sexual Violence, 1994-2010 (2013).