Adventures in dating gets more interesting by the moment. I am learning that most people are not what they seem. If it feels off, it probably is. There have been a lot of laughs, a lot of awkward moments and a heck of a lot of “are you serious?” moments. At some point, I want to ask, who raised these men? What would their moms or sisters or daughters think?
How can a man have a sweet daughter and do the things that they do to women? By the way, Dan has a daughter. You’ll find out more about Dan later. Do they realize, someday, that may be their daughter on the other end of those actions? If they thought about that, they might change their ways. What are you going to do to the guy that treats your little girl like you just treated me? Think about that. What would you say to some guy that did that to your sister?
We are all adults. Can’t we just be honest? Why lie? Why play games? What happened to human decency. Here are the things that get me:
1. Don’t make plans with someone and then cancel 15 minutes before with no reason. No explanation. I am on the way in my car. If you don’t want to meet, don’t make plans. And then, don’t text a day later and ask to meet again. Ummm, you already ditched me at the last minute. You don’t get a second chance. Big NOPE! First impressions count and yours was not good enough to warrant a second look. Ba-bye.
2, Don’t no-show someone. It’s just rude and you are the lowest form of person.
3. Don’t say you are excited to see me again and never text or call. You didn’t need to say it in the first place. I have no expectations from a first date. It is an interview. I didn’t get the job. That is okay. I am not your cup of tea. You prefer chamomile. (Read more on that here.) I get it that things change and options change but not in 24 hours. If you say you will text or call, at least have the courtesy to do so, even if it is just to say, “I’m not interested.”
3. Don’t send an unsolicited dick pics. My question, why? Does that actually work? Hey, How are you? Here is my penis. I just do not understand. What is with that? Are there women that actually say, “Well, I wasn’t interested, but now that I have seen your penis, sign me up.” Please, someone, explain this to me.
4. On the dick pic subject, don’t be like Dick Pic Dan. If you’re married and you live close enough to me that our kids may go to the same school, please, definitely, do not send a dick pic. (Dating apps show the approximate distance someone is from you, be smart.) And never, send a dick pic that you took while standing in front of a full length mirror wearing only white socks and slides with a thumbs up and a smile. Just weird. You know, I could possibly know your wife. And I may run into the two of you while doing something with my kiddo. I will have to tell your wife. And screenshot it. And make fun of it with my friends. And yes, this happened to me and it is number one on the list of the most awkward things I have ever experienced. Ugh.
5. Don’t post pictures on your dating profile of you laying in bed making some really awkward attempt to look natural and sexy at the same time. Big NOPE! You are not getting anything but a delete. It’s creepy. Don’t be creepy.
6. Dating app profile rules of engagement? What are those? They cease to exist, I think. Please post current pictures. Please post at least 1 picture of you without sunglasses and a hat. Please don’t immediately send me a message about all the naughty things you want to do to me as soon as I begin to engage in conversation. Again, it’s creepy. Don’t be creepy.
7. Be honest with what you want. If you only want sex, say so. There are women who want the same. If that is not what I want, do you think that you are, magically, going to change my moral compass with your witty charm and raw sexual magnitude? Umm… Another big NOPE. You are wasting my time and yours. Ask Brad. He can give you advice on that. It worked for him. He was blunt, he was honest, he got what he wanted. All parties were happy.
8. Don’t play games. We are not 6 and this is not the playground. You are just being annoying. As a nominally attractive women on a dating app, I get more likes that I can wade through. If you start with a game, it will be game over before you even get to role the dice.
9. Be honest. If you have no intention of meeting, why are you entertaining an online conversation. Don’t waste my time or yours. The point of a dating app is to date. Yes, that means meet in person, not spend months texting a stranger that may or may not be who they say they are.
10. Don’t invite a women to come home with you, if you have no intention of ever speaking to her after that night. It is just rude. Most women can not see through it, and get hurt. It is not nice. I can see through it and you’re an ass. Don’t let the blonde hair and the goofy laugh fool you. I am not dumb and this is not my first rodeo. Karma has a way of working out. If that is what you want, just be honest. You never know, I might just say yes. Maybe, that is all I want to. Again, ask Brad, he knows a little about this. Honesty has worked in his favor.
11. Listen to a women, really listen. If she tells you that is not her thing, it is not her thing. You are not going to change her mind. Either accept it, or move on. People are, who they are and you are probably not going to change them.
12. If you are interested, make an effort. Don’t leave it all in her hands. Plan a date. Send a text. Ask her out. If you just stand back, silently, and hope she will come to you, you may find out that you become a “lack of something better to do” until someone, who is willing to put in the effort, comes along. Then where are you? Standing alone at the bar wondering why she didn’t come to you. How did that work out? Probably not how you expected.
13. To each, their own, but if you are a furry, please do not message a random women that mentioned nothing about furries and ask her if she will dress in a fuzzy, pink, bunny costume for you. Why? So strange. Yes, this happened and here was one of the 3 pictures on his profile. This is a grown man, he is 44. He likes fuzzy costumes. We are different people.
It comes down to one old rule. Treat people as you would want to be treated and if you have a daughter or a sister or a mother, treat a women as you would want some guy to treat them. Be respectful. Have common courtesy.
Be honest with what you want and what you are capable of. If you are only capable of something casual, then say so. We might be okay with it, we might not but why make a mess. Some women, like me, just casually walk away because I value myself too much to waste my time in drama with some man who does not want to invest in me. I am secure in who I am and will not chase someone. I will not be all up in your business unless you are all up in mine. Some women are okay with casual because that is all they want or all they are capable of. It is okay to be honest. On the other side, there are women who will rain drama upon your life. They will make your life hard and uncomfortable. It is preventable with a little honesty. Why not save yourself the drama? I just don’t understand.
I just don’t get it. I think people look at dating as if the other person does not matter if they are not interested in them. This is so unfortunate. We are all people and we all matter. Act accordingly. There is a person, with real feeling on the other end of this exchange and they deserve a little kindness and compassion.
Some people invest from the moment they meet someone. Every indication that you have a small bit of interest makes their heart skip a beat. They are fragile and easily crushable. Some people are more like me, I am a little emotionally detached. It’s a trust thing. I have talked about my trust issue. (Read more on that here.) If I don’t trust you, I keep my heart out of it. And I definitely do not trust strangers and especially stranger men. There are good guys in this world but there are also a lot of jerks. The same goes for women, so don’t think I am man bashing.
I probably lean more towards being a jerk. It is not intentional. I never intend to lead someone on. Emotional detachment has a tendency to allow that to happen. I don’t want to settle, so if their flags are on the horizon, I will spend the time to find out whether they are red. I am not leading someone on, I am giving them a chance to show me they are worth my time. And when they don’t? It like a light switch. 1 click and it’s off. I can go from hot to cold in 2.5 seconds without warning if you raise a red flag.
Adventures is dating is exactly what this is. An adventure. It is heart racing and funny and you never know what is around the corner, I just hope on one of these dates, there is someone worth my time and my heart.
Okay, I will jump off my dating high horse. I am far from perfect but I do try to be kind and lead with compassion. Sometimes, it’s hard and I don’t get it right but I try. So, now, I will step down and I will get back to doing what I seem to do best. What is that you ask? I seem to be pretty good at going on an endless string of first dates and that is okay. I am having fun, I am learning a lot about myself and I have some funny stories to tell.
Now that I have finished dissecting what is wrong in dating, I am going to jump on that app and look for my next interview. Will he get the job? Maybe? Maybe not? At least, the interview will be fun. At least, I know that I am enjoying this crazy time in my life and I know than I am having some laughs. At least, I will never be Dick Pic Dan and hopefully, never his poor, sweet wife. And if all else fails, I have my motto to live by. It reminds me that people actions should never define my happiness. That has to come from within. So, in the midst of chaos, sparkle. Don’t let life dull your shine.
The Manicured Mom