They say that you have to lose it all to realize what you really have. Truer words could not be spoken. This has been my last two years. I lost my Dad. I lost my marriage. I split custody of my child so I lost half his life. I got back out in the world. I started dating. I fell in love. I lost that man. I lost a lot of myself during it. And then, after 12 years of dedication, it came time for me to part ways with my job, I lost my career. So much loss in such a short time. So, here I sit, a 46 year old, single, unemployed mom without a plan. If that isn’t a sad reality, I am not sure what is. And then…
Then, I took inventory of my life. My son is healthy, happy and thriving. I have a wonderful co-parenting relationship with his father. I may not have a Dad but I have a lifetime of memories and the most amazing Mom that is there every step of my life to support me and love me unconditionally. I own a beautiful home that I have made into my happy place. I own my cars. I am finally secure enough to take an extended leave from working and figure out what I want to do next. I have an awesome group of friends. They make me laugh and smile daily. I have God by my side. I am safe. I am healthy. I am blessed. This is my beautifully blessed, messy life.
So, this is me, 46, single, no job and no idea what I want to do next. On the surface this sounds bad, in reality, it is pretty amazing. Not very many people get to look at their lives, learn from their mistakes and have the opportunity to start over. I do. I get to start dating again. I get to spend more time with my small boy. I get to reinvent my career. I get to change the direction of my life. The reset button has been hit. This time, I have the knowledge and experience of 46 years in my bag and I get to take it all and make my world a better place. I get to choose my path. I get start over.
It is scary? Frightening, to be exact. These is no one to fall back on. It is just me and my road ahead. It is exciting? Words do not describe it. Life is funny. Most of us get up each day, we shower, we go to work, we come home, we spend time with friends and family. And then we do it all over again the next day. And the day after that and the day after that. We rush from task to task and place to place to fit it all in. It’s what we do. It is what we accept. It is who we are. Wash, rinse, repeat! We never really get to truly reflect on how amazing it is until the moment has passed. Then, one day, we retire and we finally have the time to focus on us. We finally have the time to do those things we always wanted. We finally have the time to just sit and enjoy the quiet without the busy of life.
Well, my time is now. I have been so blessed in this life. I am in a position that I can afford to take some of that time now. I can slow down for a little bit. I can sip my coffee and do nothing. I can jump in my Jeep and go on an adventure. I can spend time with friends. I can visit family. I can relax and let life pass me by. The choice is mine and mine to make. There is no boss telling me what to do. There is no long hours of work. There is just time for me. Time to really process and recover from the loss in my life. Time to slow down. Time to enjoy the little things. Time to stop rushing through life so I can get it all done. I have time and I am going to take it. I have time to not let those moments pass me by.
I never thought I would be sitting at my kitchen counter on a weekday without a single obligation. I can go somewhere if I want. I can be lazy if I want. I can create something. I can fix something. I can sing. I can dance. I can sleep. I can write. I can… Starting over is a chance to get it right. There is so much uncertainty, yet so much hope. Opportunity awaits. So, I will take each day as it comes. And I will always remember, in the midst of chaos, sparkle. Don’t let life dull your shine.
Much Love,
The Manicured Mom
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