Adventure, Emotional processing, new relationship

When happy finds you.

Life has a way of surprising you. We are in the midst of a pandemic. Life has changed so much in the last few month. I miss parks with my small boy. I miss our Saturday adventures. I miss our trips to the water park. I miss dancing in a bar. I miss going out with friends. I miss life as it was before all this started. Does this mean I am not happy? Absolutely not. I am happier now than I have been in a long time.

Life has found a flow. I have kept busy. I have made new friends. I have found love in the most unexpected person. I remember meeting up with this friend to grab a beer and watch a football game last winter. Divorce is hard and we were both at that point in our lives. We were dealing with the emotions and the loneliness. He was a friendly smile and an open ear that understood where I was coming from. He was a friend when I needed one most. (Read what I wrote about him back then.)

Fast forward six months. I had a lot of bad first dates and a few okay second and thirds dates and there he was, sharing his accomplishments, the changes and his life. Listening to me chatter. Somewhere along the way this friend became so much more. In the midst of the chaos of a global pandemic, I found a constant. When I was not ready to date seriously, he waited. When I could not wrap my head around our intertwined connections, he waited. When I was not sure, he waited. He listened. He kept coming back. He kept being a friend. Somewhere along the way, what I thought was a bad idea became something that was worth the risk. Something that I knew I would regret if I did not give it a chance.

When we met for that beer, it never entered my mind that this would be my person. I never thought about dating him. It was not even an option in my mind. There are mutual connections from our past that said it would not be a good idea. So there we were, two friends grabbing a beer talking through our issues. And boy did we have issues. Trust. Anger. Sadness. Regrets. Resentment. The list goes on. We also had laughter and easy conversation and an undeniable connection. No, we can’t date. This is a bad idea. And we shared more. We laughed. We talked more.

Wait… what? How is this possible? How did this happen? When? Where? What? Yep, I said it. After nearly 6 months, I took the risk. I jumped it. I put all the shouldn’ts and we can’ts aside and took a chance. I took a chance for me. I took a chance on him. Man, am I glad I did. The only regret I have is that it took me nearly 6 months to take the chance. Although, those 6 months were something I needed. I needed to explore. I needed to date. I need to heal. I needed to be okay alone. I needed to find me before I found someone else.

Life has a funny way of moving in a completely different direction than we ever imagined. I was not looking for something serious. The last thing I wanted was to fall in love, but sometimes we don’t control our heart. It chooses and when it does, it is amazing and unexplainable. He makes me happy. He brings out my sparkle. He is a good man with a big heart and I am glad he is mine.

So, here I sit, happy. He makes me sparkle like I haven’t in a long time. We laugh a lot. We talk a lot. We have fun. We connect. We snuggle. And when I look in his eyes, my heart skips a beat. I was not looking for love but somehow, he found me. He had the patience to let me get through the emotional damage of my divorce. He had the patience to let me date knowing I would eventually realize that he was the one for me. He had the patience to give me the time I needed. And once I had it, he was there, waiting with open arms for me.

Never, did I think, he would be my person but in this crazy, mixed up world with our messy lives, we found each other. So, where do go from here? I don’t know but I do know that where ever we go, I want us to go together. When I look at him, I don’t just see a man I love, I see my future. And that is amazing and scary and exciting and exhilarating.

He does not know this, but sometimes, when he falls asleep, I watch him. I stare at his face . I memorize the freckles on his nose and the lines on his eyes. The gentleness that I see makes me smile. It warms my souls. I have never wanted to memorize anyone’s face. His, I always want to remember. It may not always be easy and it may not always be perfect but I hope that it will always be. As I continue happily through this life, I know there will be bumps, so I will remember, in the midst of chaos, sparkle. Don’t let life dull your shine.

Much Love,

The Manicured Mom

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