PART 1: Why Men Need Advocates
We live in a world where everything a man does or says is seen as wrong by some women out there. Even the best of men are confused, belittled and frustrated. They don’t know which way to turn or which actions are allowed. Around every corner is a toxic feminist screaming that good men are misogynists simply for existing in this world as men. Can you imagine being yelled at for opening a door? Or pulling out a chair? Or smiling and saying “Hi,” to a women in a grocery store? Well nearly half the men that I know have experienced just that. Then there is the other side of the road where good women expects those same behaviors from a man and think he is rude if he does not do them. They are damned if they do and they are damned if they don’t.
Just last week, I was walking up to a CVS to grab some things and there was a man approaching the door. As soon as he saw me coming, he reached for the door, glance at me awkwardly and said, “Oh, I’m sorry miss, is it okay if I open the door for you?” What? Is it okay? Why did this man feel the need to ask permission to be kind? It is more than okay. It is sweet, courteous and appreciated. The fact that this man felt the need to ask if he could do something kind says so much about the world we live in. It says so much about how men are treated and made to feel.
THE GREAT DOOR DEBATE!
Why is this even an issue or a debate. Should a man open the door for a lady? Is this an okay thing to do? Well you would think that the answer would be a simple yes. Well, you would be thinking wrong. In the age of strong, independent women that don’t need no man, they want to open doors themselves. They don’t want a man doing it for them. They consider it an insult. It’s as if a man opening a door for a women is him saying she is incapable.
Some women have taken their independence so far that they can’t even view a gesture of common courtesy for what it is. They have perverted it to be something misogynistic and dirty.
“He only opened the door so that he could check out my ass once I walked in front of him. Pervert.”
“What? Does he think that I can’t even open the door myself?“
“He only does it for the praise, not because he actually wants to.”
“He only opens the door so that people think he is a good guy, we know the truth.”
I have heard every single one of those things said by a women. I have been told more stories by men about being yelled at for opening a door or pulling out a chair than I care to mention. I have witnessed a woman refusing to enter a building because a man was holding the door. Feminism was meant to give women equal opportunity and the ability to be independent. It was never meant to give us permission to be rude bitches. It’s a door. It has to be open. It is common courtesy for the first person who gets to the door to hold it open for the next person. Why is this so hard? Why has this become a thing?
LET THE MAN OPEN THE DOOR!!!
Look, I get it. Some of us have trauma from our past that makes us feel uncomfortable when a man follows too closely behind us. That trauma is real and those fears exist. I have experienced them myself. There is a simple solution. Don’t scream at him. Don’t be rude. Just reach for the door handle and say, “Thank you, I’ve got it.” It’s a door. No one is assuming you can’t do it yourself. No one is attempting to belittle you by opening it. If I arrive at a door and see people closely following, I hold it for them. It does not matter if it is a man, women, non-binary, child or alien, I hold the door. It it about kindness and common courtesy.
Now, to the men, I know that it is also common courtesy to say, “Thank you,” when someone does something nice for you. As I have demonstrated above, common courtesy seems to be lacking in today’s world. Remember, just because you opened the door, does not mean someone owes you a thank you. It’s polite to say it but it is not a requirement. If someone does not thank you, do not be rude or harsh. It just confirms some women’s feeling about men. Some toxic women believe men do not deserve appreciation. They are wrong. Don’t feed into their hate. Just commit their face to memory and know they are rude and not deserving of your kindness. Should you see them again in the future pretend they don’t exist. They are not worth your effort. Rude people exist, do not let them ruin your day. Don’t not let them get a reaction out of you. They get joy from that reaction. You are better than them. Karma has a way of working things out.
A few years ago, my previous boss came to work complaining about a women at the gas station. He said they had both gotten out of their cars and arrived at the door at the same time. He grabbed the door, opened it, stood back, smiled and gestured her in, with a wave of his hand. She scowled at him and sternly said, “You’re proud of yourself, aren’t you? You know, women can open doors too.” He was irritated by the entire situation. My boss was a good man with a servant heart. We began focusing on our project at hand and started prepping for a day of interviews for a new position in our department. The first few interviews where fine, but on interview number three, karma knocked on the conference room. Based on her resume, she was the best and brightest candidates lined up for the day. We had already decided that she was the women for the job. She has a track record of career success and am amazing portfolio.
As soon as she walked in the room my bosses face went flat. She reached out to shake his hand and he just looked at her blankly. Without offering his hand, he said, “You know, a glowing resume and immaculate portfolio do not overshadow the content of someone’s character. We appreciate you coming in today but I we will not be accepting your application. You can show yourself to the door.” He turned and walked away from us, leave me standing their awkwardly wondering what was going on. I was so confused. As soon as she exited the room, my boss informed me that she was the rude women from the gas station. She met karma that day. I hope she learned a lesson. You never know if the person you decided to be rude to will become the person that will decide your fate. She missed out on an amazing job over someone opening a door for her.
The great door debate is so much more than doors. It’s pulling out chairs and walking towards the outside of the road. It’s lifting heaving things and taking out the trash. It’s all the traditional gestures that so many good women find endearing in men. Do not let these independent bitches change you. We like you just the way you are. And to the women that degrade men for these things, please stop. Your are ruining good men. You are taking away the actions that so many of us adore. You don’t have to let a man do things for you but don’t ruin it for those of us who enjoy when they do. There is no need to yell at a man who is just trying to be nice.
This world needs a little more kindness. It needs a few more doors to be opened and smiles to be offered from total strangers. It seems to me that society is getting angrier by the day and the gender divide is only getting worse. Where will we be in 10 years? 20 years? 50 year? I wish I knew. I hope it get better. Until then, be safe, be courteous, be kind and always remember, in the midst of chaos, sparkle. Don’t let life dull your shine.
The Manicured Mom
If you appreciate my advocacy for men, please buy me a coffee. I need a lot of caffeine to have the energy to deal with the toxic feminists destroying men.fee.