Why did I add to my, already busy, life by starting a blog? It’s just more work, another commitment, another task to complete. I promise you, it is so much more.
I have become very aware of the fact that I do not process my emotions. I mull them over. I decide that they make me sad or disappointed or angry and that, in turn, makes me more sad or disappointed or angry. I don’t talk about them. That never seems to make them any better, it just brings them to the surface and makes them raw. It’s like picking a cut, it will never heal, if you don’t leave it alone.
But, the truth is, cuts need care, they need cleaning and ointments and bandaids. They need time to breathe and time to heal. I do not do a very, good job of showing myself grace. I don’t allow myself to cry. I don’t show my weaknesses. Those flood gates are locked up tight. Please, lord, don’t let the dam break.
And so, I sit and I stew for a moment or two, but never three. Three would be too much. Then, I pack it all away. I tie it tightly shut with a sparkly ribbon and I put it in some deep, dark corner of my mind. Hopefully, the tie doesn’t break and let it out someday.
Well, it’s just not working. They keep finding their way back to the surface and they are raw and unexpected and painful. My kiddo does great at karate and I’m so proud. I want to cry, not because of happiness, but because I missed it. I was in some far corner of my mind trying to tie one of those packages shut, again.
People have said, “You are so strong.” I am the opposite. I am scared and sad and a very good actress. I can put on a smile and flash my sparkle on a dime. I can give you lip service that will make you believe I have it all together but I am kind of a mess. I have a lot packages stored away that have never been cared for. Their ribbons are wrinkled and frayed. They are old and musty. They are starting to smell. I need to unwrap them and put them away, properly. I need to give them time to breathe and heal.
So, why did I add to my, already busy, life by starting a blog? I have packages to open. I seem to solve my problems by typing them out. It takes time but it is an investment in my finding my sparkle. Typing them out is not enough. It’s the editing. Each edit is like ointment on a wound. I laugh, I cry, I process. It makes it smoother. It helps it heal. It makes it better.
Blogging gives me obligation. To have a blog, you need content. By publicly starting my blog, I have committed, myself, to writing down all the crazy in my mind. It is an outlet for my packages and all their sparkly bows. I am dedicated to getting them out of me and out to you. I hope I don’t chip a Color Street nail in the process.
When I put it out there, on the big World Wide Web, and someone comes back to share or encourage or say thank you, it lifts the bandaid. It gives it air. It helps me heal. It lets me know, I am not alone. When it’s out there, there is no more hiding. I have to face it head on. The excuses are gone. Writing a blog is therapy. Y’all are the psychologists and this keyboard is the big, red couch.
The bandaids are off and I am letting it all out. I hope that you will join me on my journey to find my sparkle. There is too much good in my life to live it with the lights off. I may need to borrow some batteries, but I will find my shine.
Are you looking for your shine? Let’s find it together. I hope we get to chat soon. Thank you for helping me on my way and remember, in the midst of chaos, sparkle. Don’t let life dull your shine.
The Manicured Mom.
P.S. If you want to find out more about my Color Street obsession, join my VIP group on facebook: Tammy’s Nail Perfection. Mention “The Manicured Mom” sent you for 15% Color Street Cash back on your first order with me.
3 thoughts on “Too many packages!”
I’m so proud of your for lifting your bandages. You’re helping me give light and air to my own. You’re more than welcome to borrow some battery juice from me any time.
Thank you, this is truly becoming such a healing process. I told my hubby, that I feel like a weight is being lifted off my shoulder. And it’s so reassuring to know that I am lending some help along the way.