My sweet little boy left this morning for an entire week at the beach with his father. A whole week. I know this is the future but I have yet to go 7 days without seeing my child. Only once in his six and half years on earth have I ever been a away from him that long and that was because my father was very sick in the hospital.
So, my sweet boy is off to our family vacation without me. To the beach condo we booked together to spend a week in the sand and the salt water. He loves the beach as much as I do. We go as a family every year. His father’s parents always join half way through the week to spend time with us and allow us a little date night.
It was his father’s week to get him and his father’s parents that join us, so it was only right that his father went on the trip with him. But, man this sucks. 7 days until I see him again. 7 days until I see that bright smile. 7 days without noise in my big, quiet home.
I must admit, I didn’t think much about it as he was leaving this morning. I hugged him and told him I loved him. I made my list of thing to get done and fun things to do. I was prepared for a busy week on my own and as I was straightening up the house, I noticed he left the light on up stair as he left in excitement this morning.
So up I went to switch it off. And then I cried and cried and cried some more. The 37 matchbox cars perfectly lined up on the carpet that would wait 7 days to be played with. The marble tower in all it’s glory will not make any noise. The sleep sheep and the big puppy will be lonely on his little bed. The cute clothing all neatly folded in his drawers will not get worn. It will all be still for 7 days.
I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be okay with this. He’s my baby. My one and only and I am going to miss half of his life. How is this okay? When will it get easier? I know it is the right thing for him but it is not the right thing for me.
I am fine with the separation from my husband. I am finally free of the weight of that parachute. (Click here to find out about my parachute.) Why does this have to be the outcome? Why do I have to let me sweet boy go? I never knew that you could miss someone as much as I miss him and my dad. (Click to read about my dad.)
I hope that be breathes in the fresh, salt air and has the time of his life. He needs it. He deserves it. He deserves the world and I hope he gets it to. He deserves two happy parents and this is the best way to make that happen. So for now, I will sit at the top of the steps and hug his big stuffed puppy while I type and cry until I can’t cry anymore. And then, I will pick myself up and start my day over.
As a busy working Mom, I dreamed of “me” time. Well, be careful what you ask for because it may not be all it’s cracked up to be. Now that I have “me” time, I better find a way to enjoy it. I know there is some champagne around here somewhere.
So, let me me dry my red puffy eyes and restart my day. Maybe, I’ll try to remember to avoid upstairs this week. And, I’ll also try to remember, in the midst of chaos, sparkle, don’t let life dull your shine.
The Manicured Mom
I am ready for Independence Day.