We move through life at such a rapid pace that sometimes we just exist from day to day without really living. We do what needs to get done and don’t think about the impact we are making. Small day to day actions can change your life. They can change your future, yet we do them so thoughtlessly because we are not living intentionally. We are merely living.
Think about a piece of paper that has been written on. There are words and hearts and stars. There are funny faces and angry scribbles. Some are written in pen and others in pencil. We don’t think about what we are doodling, we just doodle as mindlessly as we are living our lives. Some of those doodles, you can erase, other you cannot. Let’s just hope the bad words and the angry scribbles are in pencil.
So as it is in life, the bad things have a tendency to leave marks on our heart. We can’t forget and we can’t move on. I hold on to pain and hurt and pack it away to deal with another day. (Click to read about my packages.) I am realizing that I never really let go. I just push it off to the side and it comes back in my day to day. I do not live intentionally, I just live. What ever I scribble on my paper is not just in pen, it is permanent marker. I carry it with me wherever I go.
That paper is my life and my story and there is a lot of messy stuff on it. There are four lost babies, a life time of mistakes, the death of my Dad, the failure of my marriage and a bunch of other marks and red ink. I wish I could erase it all but it is there. It happened. It is my past and my life. You can’t erase the bad without erasing the good.
My marriage may have failed but without that marriage I wouldn’t have my amazing little boy. I would do it all again just for him. So my paper is full. There is no more room. I can’t erase it. I can’t change it. It just is.
It’s time to start fresh. In this new chapter of my life, I am going to stop crying about what I can’t erase. I have a new pen and it pink and covered in sparkles. I am going to take out a clean sheet of paper and I am going to write my own story. I am going to live intentionally.
After a while, that old piece of paper will be long forgotten because I am making a better life. I am writing a better story. My mistakes will be forgotten because my story will be so good.
Yesterday is gone. We will never get it back and tomorrow isn’t promised. So what are we left with? Today. We may only have today to make an impact. We only have today to write our story.
So, I will live for today. I will live in this moment. I will be present and I will write the best story I can. And, I will always remember, in the midst of chaos, sparkle. Don’t let life dull your shine.
The Manicured Mom