Emotional processing, Marriage Struggles

Some days I want to scream.

Please, indulge me as I rant! Today, I want to scream profanities at the top of my lungs. I am annoyed, angry and disgusted. Things get under my skin and I can’t get them out. I have a tendency to obsess on little stuff. Today is one of those days.

I have no tolerance for victim mentality. Poor, poor me. I am going through some things so I’ll do as I please. No, you made your bed, now, lie in it. We can’t feel sorry for ourselves when we are the cause of the pain, but you can try to. Bad situations, sadness and loneliness are not excuses for doing things you said you would never do. They are not excuses for changing promises you made. They are not excuses for deciding to do something that you spent years of your life saying. would never happen. You can’t buy happiness and you definitely can’t by affection, but please keep trying if it makes you feel better.

So today, I am frustrated. Yes, I have my pity parties but I stay true to who I am and the words I have spoken. Just because life changes, doesn’t mean who you are changes. It shouldn’t mean what you promised changes. Yes, I understand life changes you but those changes happen gradually over time, not in the course of a month or two. By now, I should know better than to trust that things that were said would actually happen. That wasn’t my life before and it won’t be my life now. I have gotten used to broken promises. I am not sure I will ever trust easy.

I am still annoyed. I still want to scream profanities. I am better than that, I know this. I know I am the better person. I know I will come out on top in the end. I know I will live a life of happiness. But today…I just hate people. Hate is a strong word but sometimes strength is what you need. And today, I need strength to get past the hate. I have to find a way. I will find a way.

Do you ever get caught up in the little things and forget the big picture? I have been doing that more than I would like to admit. It’s not about the start or the hills or the valleys, it is about the finish line. Since, we already know, I am writing my story, I predict a victory. When your the author, you get to choose the ending. (Read more on my story here.)

I will not let pointless words and thoughtless actions determine my path. Words can only hurt if you let them and so I won’t. It does not matter what someone says they are doing, or why they are doing it, words can be hollow. Do you know what happens when something is hollow? You can see right through it. Imagine that.

So, today I will rant and be mad. It’s okay to do that from time to time. Tomorrow is another day. I hope you have planned to Treat Yourself, it’s Tuesday. Treat Yourself Tuesday is my favorite day of the week. It’s late and my eyes are tired. On that note, remember, in the midst of chaos, sparkle. Don’t let life du your shine.

Much Love,

The Manicured Mom

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6 thoughts on “Some days I want to scream.”

  1. You are allowed to hate us all (excluding me, of course) 🙂 I will pray for your well-being and the strength to help you get past this.

  2. Reblogged this on Notes and commented:
    “But today…I just hate people.”

    Nobody has been that much important to make me say that. But then, I may have never loved anyone to that extent.

      1. Its quite interesting that you said that I have been hearing and seeing many people do already. However, giving anyone that much power onto your heart and soul is, imho, not wise. Your first love and covenant (of any sort) should be you, nothing and nobody else.

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