I am adjusting to my new life. I have spent a lot of time during the last 8 weeks wondering how I would manage on my own. Can I handle the bills? Keep the big house in order? Afford all the fun and extras I want for my little guy? Well, this first mini vacation is silencing those doubts.
It may seem simple to some but for me it was a big step. A vacation with just the small boy. I booked the trip. I packed the car. I made the drive with the top down in the jeep. I hauled the stuff to the condo. I lugged a wagon full of stuff to the beach. We are having an amazing time and I did it by myself with just the small boy.
The best part about vacationing with just him and I? We are on no one’s schedule but our own. No rushing to get ready. No planning. Just enjoying our time and getting where we get whenever we get there. In the last 2 days, we have ate ice cream and candy. We have swam in the waves and boogie boarded till we were exhausted. We built sand castles and dug holes. We have laughed and smiled and giggled more than we have in a while. And… We did it all together.
There is something about the beach the cleanses the soul and makes you feel new. And that is what this trip is doing. It’s made me realize that I will be okay. I can do this on my own and I can enjoy it. I had a lot of anxiety going into this trip. Would I be able to get all our stuff to the beach? Would I be lonely? Would watching families together make me sad? Would he enjoy just being with me? Well, that anxiety is gone.
As the small boy is snuggled in my bed, I am sitting on the patio listening to the sound of the waves and enjoying this quiet time alone. I realize that moments like this week are what it’s all about. We need more laughter. I need to let loose a little more and learn to go with the flow so today we jumped in puddles and got our dinner clothes dirty. And that is okay. What are clothes for, if not to have fun in?
The beach. My favorite place. The sun. The sand. The salt air. It makes everything better. It makes the big stuff seem smaller. It makes the hard times seem easier. It makes you realize just how wonderful this world is when you open your eyes to see it.
My life is far from perfect but it doesn’t get a whole lot better than it is right now. I have not cried in days. I have finally started sleeping again. I have realized I am enough. I have learned I can do this on my own. I have found my sparkle. I am content for the first time in a long time. I am at peace with my life, my choices and my future. I am at peace with God.
It’s been a road and I know that there will be bumps on the path but now, I know that I can handle them. I know that I can do this on my own. The future looks bright and I am no longer worried about it. I am excited for it. The small boy and I have lots to see and do together. And we will.
For now, I am just going to enjoy the peaceful sound of the ocean waves and know that I can get through anything because I have the small boy and God on my side. I will keep my head up and I will keep moving forward. And no matter what happens, I will remember, in the midst of chaos, sparkle. Don’t let life dull your shine.
The Manicured Mom